I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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