Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
