i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
