We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
