he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
