I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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