Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
