I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
