Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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