he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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