why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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