it was like eating out sand paper
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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