I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
