There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Farmville is her only friend.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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