i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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