I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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