i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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