I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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