Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
