Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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