My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
