apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
