I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I sprained my soul last night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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