he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
