How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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