Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
