can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
