I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
