I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
