i don't like sucking hair
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
