Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
