were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
