went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
