how can u be prego again
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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