tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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