No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
