A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
