we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
