He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
