Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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