She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
