At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
