I just pynch a tree in the face
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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