while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He shit in the fireplace
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
