I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
