I feel like abortions should bother me more
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
