omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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