i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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