We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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