I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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